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雅思写作地道表达 | 给语言做“减法”

英文修辞的两大要求,一是清楚,一是简洁。要达到简洁的要求,写作时就要随时注意:在不损害句子清楚性的前提下,能不能用更少的字来表达同样的意思?

务必做到每一个字都能发挥功能,文章没有任何赘字,才算简洁。

雅思写作地道表达 | 给语言做“减法”(图1)

会破坏简洁性的,一是重复,二是累赘。

一:重复的毛病

所谓重复,是指同样的意思在句中有两个低分反复表示出来。这时就该删去一个。

下面举2个例子说明一下。

1Sales rose rapidly from February up to June but were unchanged from June to October.

动词 rose 意思为【上升】,一定是向【上】走,所以后面的up一字就是重复,会伤害简洁性。应该把 up 删掉,成为:Sales rose rapidly from February to June but were unchanged from June to October.

下面这个句子也有类似的毛病:

2You must be at least 18 years old or above to be eligible to vote.

【至少】(at least)和【以上】(above)表示的观念是重复的,应该选择以删去,成为:You must be at least 18 years old to be eligible to vote.

或是 You must be 18 years old or above to be eligible to vote.

二:累赘的毛病

句中如有空洞的字眼,就是累赘,也会有失简洁。以例3和例4来说明

3Patience is generally considered to be an essential quality in a teacher.

句中的 to be an essential quality 是主词补语,用来修饰主次patience,然而其中的to be没有什么意义,省略它也不会影响句意。

剩下来的an essential quality 仍可做主语补语,成为:Patience is generally considered an essential quality in a teacher.

其实,consider 后面的 to be 都可以省略,不会影响句型,也不会改变句意。从修辞的角度来说,这个位置的 to be 就是累赘的字眼,应该删掉以求简洁。

雅思写作地道表达 | 给语言做“减法”(图2)

4Most doctors agree that smoking makes a contribution to lung cancer.

句中的 make a contribution to 这种表达方式比较累赘,因为动词make是一个空洞的字眼。如果把 contribution 改成动词 contribute,用来取代make,可以省下一个空洞的字眼,也加强了简洁性:Most doctors agree that smoking contributes to lung cancer.

有时候一个精确的字可以取代一长串的叙述。如例5

5The wonder of the Internet would have been unable to imagined a decade ago.

句中的unable to be imagined其实可以用一个字来取代,十分简洁:

The wonders of the Internet would have been unimaginable a decade ago.

可以用一个形容词单字表达清楚的,就不必动用到一个片语。如例6

6It Is much more difficult to clone an organism of a complex nature than it is to clonebacteria.

介词短语 of complex nature 修饰前面的organism,其中的 nature 是比较空洞的的字眼。如果省略不要,直接以 complex 来修饰 organism 会比较简洁。

It is much more difficult to clone a complex organism than it is to clone bacteria.

总结:简洁性是修辞的两大重要原则之一

不过它的重要性一般是居于清楚性之后。写文章时首先要顾虑是否清楚。

确定意思表达得够清楚之后,再来要求简洁。

写完文章后一定要再看一遍,挑出所有可以精简的低分表达。通常从用字句型两方面着手,就能剔除所有重复与累赘之处,让文章更精简。

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