在过去接受访问时贝宁顿曾透露,从7岁开始他遭到一名成年男子性侵,但他不想去寻求帮助,因为不想让别人以为自己是同性恋,或者在说谎。这段长达6年的性虐待,让他染上了酒精和毒品,也使他多年以来一直有想要轻生的念头。
今天英语演讲君特别整理了一位美国退役警官在TED的精彩演讲,他在演讲中讲述了人们为什么要自杀?
在23年的警官生涯中,他见过太多站在人生悬崖边的轻生者,倾听过他们的故事,也曾亲眼看着对方坠入海峡。布里格斯问:如果家人、朋友有自杀倾向,应该怎么办?他认为,最重要的不是劝说,而是倾听和陪伴。如果所爱之人有自杀倾向,人们应当通过倾听去理解。不要争辩、责备,或是告诉那个人你知道他的感受,因为你可能并不了解。只要你在那里陪伴,可能就是他们所需要的那个转折点。
美国退役警官Kevin Briggs TED 演讲稿双语版
I recently retired from the California Highway Patrol after 23 years of service. The majority of those 23 years was spent patrolling the southern end of Marin County, which includes the Golden Gate Bridge.The bridge is an iconic structure, known worldwide for its beautiful views of San Francisco, the Pacific Ocean, and its inspiring architecture.
Unfortunately, it is also a magnet for suicide, being one of the most utilized sites in the world. The Golden Gate Bridge opened in 1937. Joseph Strauss, chief engineer in charge of building the bridge,was quoted as saying, "The bridge is practically suicide-proof. Suicide from the bridge is neither practical nor probable." But since its opening, over 1,600 people have leapt to their death from that bridge. Some believe that traveling between the two towers will lead you to another dimension -- this bridge has been romanticized as such — that the fall from that frees you from all your worries and grief, and the waters below will cleanse your soul.
But let me tell you what actually occurs when the bridge is used as a means of suicide. After a free fall of four to five seconds, the body strikes the water at about 75 miles an hour. That impact shatters bones, some of which then puncture vital organs. Most die on impact. Those that don't generally flail in the water helplessly, and then drown. I don't think that those who contemplate this method of suicide realize how grisly a death that they will face. This is the cord. Except for around the two towers, there is 32 inches of steel paralleling the bridge. This is where most folks stand before taking their lives. I can tell you from experience that once the person is on that cord, and at their darkest time, it is very difficult to bring them back. I took this photo last year as this young woman spoke to an officer contemplating her life. I want to tell you very happily that we were successful that day in getting her back over the rail.
When I first began working on the bridge, we had no formal training. You struggled to funnel your way through these calls. This was not only a disservice to those contemplating suicide, but to the officers as well. We've come a long, long way since then. Now, veteran officers and psychologists train new officers.
This is Jason Garber. I met Jason on July 22 of last year when I get received a call of a possible suicidal subject sitting on the cord near midspan. I responded, and when I arrived, I observed Jasonspeaking to a Golden Gate Bridge officer. Jason was just 32 years old and had flown out here from New Jersey. As a matter of fact, he had flown out here on two other occasions from New Jersey to attempt suicide on this bridge. After about an hour of speaking with Jason, he asked us if we knew the story of Pandora's box. Recalling your Greek mythology, Zeus created Pandora, and sent her down to Earth with a box, and told her, "Never, ever open that box." Well one day, curiosity got the better of Pandora, and she did open the box. Out flew plagues, sorrows, and all sorts of evils against man. The only good thing in the box was hope. Jason then asked us, "What happens when you open the boxand hope isn't there?" He paused a few moments, leaned to his right, and was gone. This kind, intelligent young man from New Jersey had just committed suicide.
I spoke with Jason's parents that evening, and I suppose that, when I was speaking with them, that I didn't sound as if I was doing very well, because that very next day, their family rabbi called to check on me. Jason's parents had asked him to do so. The collateral damage of suicide affects so many people.
I pose these questions to you: What would you do if your family member, friend or loved one was suicidal? What would you say? Would you know what to say? In my experience, it's not just the talking that you do, but the listening. Listen to understand. Don't argue, blame, or tell the person you know how they feel, because you probably don't. By just being there, you may just be the turning point that they need. If you think someone is suicidal, don't be afraid to confront them and ask the question. One way of asking them the question is like this: "Others in similar circumstances have thought about ending their life; have you had these thoughts?" Confronting the person head-on may just save their life and be the turning point for them. Some other signs to look for: hopelessness, believing that things are terrible and never going to get better; helplessness, believing that there is nothing that you can do about it; recent social withdrawal; and a loss of interest in life.
#p#分页标题#e#I came up with this talk just a couple of days ago, and I received an email from a lady that I'd like to read you her letter. She lost her son on January 19 of this year, and she wrote this me this email just a couple of days ago, and it's with her permission and blessing that I read this to you.
"Hi, Kevin. I imagine you're at the TED Conference. That must be quite the experience to be there. I'm thinking I should go walk the bridge this weekend. Just wanted to drop you a note. Hope you get the word out to many people and they go home talking about it to their friends who tell their friends, etc.I'm still pretty numb, but noticing more moments of really realizing Mike isn't coming home. Mike was driving from Petaluma to San Francisco to watch the 49ers game with his father on January 19. He never made it there. I called Petaluma police and reported him missing that evening. The next morning, two officers came to my home and reported that Mike's car was down at the bridge. A witness had observed him jumping off the bridge at 1:58 p.m. the previous day. Thanks so much for standing up for those who may be only temporarily too weak to stand for themselves. Who hasn't been low before without suffering from a true mental illness? It shouldn't be so easy to end it. My prayers are with you for your fight. The GGB, Golden Gate Bridge, is supposed to be a passage acrossour beautiful bay, not a graveyard. Good luck this week. Vicky."
I can't imagine the courage it takes for her to go down to that bridge and walk the path that her son took that day, and also the courage just to carry on.
I'd like to introduce you to a man I refer to as hope and courage. On March 11 of 2005, I responded to a radio call of a possible suicidal subject on the bridge sidewalk near the north tower. I rode my motorcycle down the sidewalk and observed this man, Kevin Berthia, standing on the sidewalk. When he saw me, he immediately traversed that pedestrian rail, and stood on that small pipe which goes around the tower. For the next hour and a half, I listened as Kevin spoke about his depression and hopelessness. Kevin decided on his own that day to come back over that rail and give life another chance. When Kevin came back over, I congratulated him. "This is a new beginning, a new life." But I asked him, "What was it that made you come back and give hope and life another chance?" And you know what he told me? He said, "You listened. You let me speak, and you just listened."
Shortly after this incident, I received a letter from Kevin's mother, and I have that letter with me, and I'd like to read it to you.
"Dear Mr. Briggs, Nothing will erase the events of March 11, but you are one of the reasons Kevin is still with us. I truly believe Kevin was crying out for help. He has been diagnosed with a mental illnessfor which he has been properly medicated. I adopted Kevin when he was only six months old,completely unaware of any hereditary traits, but, thank God, now we know. Kevin is straight, as he says. We truly thank God for you. Sincerely indebted to you, Narvella Berthia." And on the bottom she writes, "P.S. When I visited San Francisco General Hospital that evening, you were listed as the patient. Boy, did I have to straighten that one out."
Today, Kevin is a loving father and contributing member of society. He speaks openly about the events that day and his depression in the hopes that his story will inspire others.
Suicide is not just something I've encountered on the job. It's personal. My grandfather committed suicide by poisoning. That act, although ending his own pain, robbed me from ever getting to know him. This is what suicide does. For most suicidal folks, or those contemplating suicide, they wouldn't think of hurting another person. They just want their own pain to end. Typically, this is accomplished in just three ways: sleep, drugs or alcohol, or death. In my career, I've responded to and been involved in hundreds of mental illness and suicide calls around the bridge. Of those incidents I've been directly involved with, I've only lost two, but that's two too many. One was Jason. The other was a man I spoke to for about an hour. During that time, he shook my hand on three occasions. On that final handshake, he looked at me, and he said, "Kevin, I'm sorry, but I have to go." And he leapt. Horrible, absolutely horrible.
I do want to tell you, though, the vast majority of folks that we do get to contact on that bridge do not commit suicide. Additionally, that very few who have jumped off the bridge and lived and can talk about it, that one to two percent, most of those folks have said that the second that they let go of that rail, they knew that they had made a mistake and they wanted to live. I tell people, the bridge not only connects Marin to San Francisco, but people together also. That connection, or bridge that we make,is something that each and every one of us should strive to do. Suicide is preventable. There is help. There is hope.
Thank you very much.
#p#分页标题#e#我最近刚退休, 离开了加利福尼亚公路巡警局, 我工作了23年的地方。 这23年里的大多数时间, 我都是在马林县的南部巡逻, 我都是在马林县的南部巡逻, 其中包括金门大桥, 这座桥是一个标志性建筑, 世界闻名, 因为从桥上可以观赏旧金山与 太平洋的美景,还有它予人灵感的建筑风格。
不幸的是,这座桥也吸引了自杀者, 成为了全球自杀事件最多的地点之一。 金门大桥开通于1937年,约瑟夫·施特劳斯是负责建造这座桥的总工程师, 我引用他一句话, “这座桥实际上有防自杀设计, 在这座桥上自杀 既难以成功也不太可能发生。” 但自从这座桥开放后, 超过1,600 人从桥上 纵身投入了死亡。 某些人相信 经过这两座塔间 会带你去另一个世界—— 这座桥已经被浪漫成这样了—— 就是说从桥上坠落 会让你免除所有的烦恼与悲痛, 而下面的水 会净化你的灵魂。
但是,让我来告诉你 假如你尝试从金门大桥跳河自杀 结果实际上是怎样的。 在四到五秒的自由落体后, 人的身体击中水面, 速度大约75英里(120公里)每小时。 这个冲击力能使骨头粉碎, 一些碎片之后会刺穿重要器官。 大多数人当场死亡。 如果没有死, 一般是在水中无助地扑腾, 然后淹死。 我认为那些考虑 这种自杀方式的人 并未意识到他们的死法将会多么可怕。 这是钢索。 除了在两座塔周围,桥边有32英寸(80厘米)的钢索, 平行于桥。 大多数自杀者 在自杀前就站在这里。 根据我的经验,我可以告诉你, 一旦有人站在了钢索上, 在他人生最黑暗的时刻, 再让他回来是极为困难的。 我在去年拍了这张照片, 当时这位年轻女子正和一位警官说话, 思索她的人生。 我要很高兴地告诉大家, 那天我们很成功地 把她从护栏那边拉了回来。
当我刚开始在这座桥上工作时, 我们没有受过正式的训练, 我在这些呼叫中挣扎前进, 这是帮倒忙,不仅是对那些想自杀的人, 对警察也是伤害。 从那以后,我们走过了漫漫长路。 如今,经验丰富的老警官和心理学家们 对新警察进行训练。
这位是杰森·加博。 我遇到杰森是在去年6月22日, 那时我接到一个电话, 说可能是一个人要自杀, 正坐在桥中段附近的钢索上。 我回应了,而当我到达时, 我看到了杰森, 他正和一位金门大桥的警官对话。 杰森年仅32岁, 是从新泽西州乘飞机来的。 事实上, 他另外还来过两次, 从新泽西飞来, 想在这座桥上自杀。 在与杰森交谈了大约一个小时后, 他问我们是否知道潘多拉之盒的故事。 想一想希腊神话, 宙斯创造了潘多拉, 然后将她降于人间,还有一个盒子, 并告诉她:”永远不要打开这个盒子。“ 终于有一天,好奇心战胜了潘多拉, 她真的打开了盒子。 飞出了瘟疫、悲伤, 以及对人类有害的种种坏事。 盒内唯一的好东西只有希望。 然后杰森问我们, “当你打开盒子, 却没有希望,会发生什么?” 他停顿了一会儿, 向他的右方倒下, 不见了。 这位来自新泽西的善良,聪明的年轻人 就这样自杀了。
那天晚上我与杰森父母谈话, 我感觉,我和他们谈话时, 我的声音听起来好像是我状态不好, 因为就在后一天, 他们家的拉比打电话过来问我怎么样。 杰森的父母要他打的电话。 自杀带来的间接伤害 影响着如此多的人。
我向你们提出这些问题: 如果你们的家人、朋友或爱人要自杀, 你们会怎么办? 你们会说什么? 你知道要说什么吗? 据我的经验,要做的不仅仅是说, 而是听。 通过倾听去理解, 不要争辨、责备, 或是告诉那个人你知道他的感受, 因为你很可能并不知道。 只要你在那里, 你可能就是他们所需的那个转折点。 如果你认为有人想自杀, 不要害怕面对他们,别怕提问题。 提问的方法有许多,可以是这样:“别人处在类似的境况下, 会考虑结束自己的生命; 你有这样想过吗?” 与这个人正面相对可能正好挽救了他的生命, 从而成为了他的转折点。 有一些其他的迹象值得留意: 绝望,认为一切都很可怕, 永远不会好转; 无助,认为没有任何办法 可以进行改变; 近来回避人际交往; 以及对生活失去兴趣。
就在几天前我有过一次谈话, 我收到一位女士的一封电子邮件, 我想给大家读读她的信。 她在今年1月19日失去了儿子, 然后她给我写了这封邮件, 就在几天前, 她给了我许可和祝福, 让我为大家读一下。
“嗨,凯文。我猜想你在TED大会上了。 能在那里想必是次难得的经历吧。 我在想我应该这个周末去大桥上走一走。 只是想给你留个言。 希望你能把话带给许多人, 然后他们回家会把这事说给朋友们, 朋友们也会讲给他们的朋友,等等。 我还是感觉很木, 而更多的时候会真正意识到 麦克没有回家。 麦克是从佩塔卢马开车到旧金山, 来和父亲看49人队的比赛, 就在1月19日。 他永远没有到达。 我打电话给佩塔卢马警察局, 报告麦克在那天晚上失踪了。 第二天早上, 两个警官来到了我家, 说麦克的车掉在了桥下。 一名目击者看到他从桥上冲下去, 就在前一天下午1点58分。 我非常感谢你 一直在鼓励那些人, 他们可能只是一时软弱 而自己无法承受。 谁没有消沉过? 即使是没有遭受过真正的精神疾病?这么轻率地结束它实在是不应该。 我为你和你的努力而祷告。 金门大桥 本应是跨过 我们美丽的旧金山湾, 而非跨过一片墓地。
祝你这周好运。维姬。” 我无法想象她这样的勇气, 就这样走过那座桥, 重走她儿子那天所走的路,
以及坚持下来的勇气。 我想为大家介绍一个人, 我认为他代表了希望和勇气。 在2005年3月11日, 我的无线电说桥上的人行道上有个人可能想自杀, 我回应了。 就在北塔附近, 我骑着我的摩托车沿着人行道过去, 看到了这个人,凯文·贝希亚, 他正站在人行道上。 当他看到我时, 他立即翻过人行道护栏, 站在塔周围的小钢管上。 站在塔周围的小钢管上。 之后的一个半小时里, 我就在那里听凯文讲 他的抑郁和绝望。 那一天凯文自己决定, 从护栏那边回来, 再给生命一次机会。 当凯文回来时, 我祝贺了他。 “这是一个新的开始,新的生命。” 但我又问他: “是什么让你回来, 并且再给希望和生命一次机会?” 你们知道他告诉了我什么? 他说:“你听了。
你让我说,你就是听。” 这件事后不久, 我收到凯文母亲写来的一封信, 我带来了这封信,
#p#分页标题#e#我想给大家读一读。 “亲爱的布里格斯先生, 什么都无法抹去3月11日的那件事, 而凯文仍在我们身边,你是原因之一。 我真的相信凯文是在呼喊求救。 他诊断患有精神疾病, 一直在接受适当的药物治疗。 在凯文年仅六个月时,我收养了他, 我完全不知道他在遗传上的任何问题, 但感谢上帝,现在我们知道了。 凯文说自己是直男。 我们真的为你而感谢上帝, 真的感激不尽, 娜弗拉·贝希亚。” 在信下面她写道, “又及:我那晚到旧金山综合医院时, 你被登记为病人。 天哪,我一定要提这事吗?”
今天,凯文是个慈爱的父亲, 对社会也在做出贡献。 他坦率地说起 那天的事和他的抑郁症, 希望他的故事
能启发他人。 自杀不仅是我工作中遇到的事情, 在我的私人生活也有。 我的祖父服毒自杀。 他这样做,虽然结束了他自己的痛苦, 而连我认识他的机会也被夺走了。 这就是自杀的后果。 对于大多数试图自杀者, 或考虑自杀的人, 他们不会想到会伤害到另一个人, 他们就是想结束自己的痛苦。 通常,只有三种方法可以实现: 睡觉,毒品或酒精,或是死亡。 在我的职业生涯中, 我参与了数百起 大桥附近的精神疾病和自杀报案。 大桥附近的精神疾病和自杀报案。 其中我直接参与的事件里, 我只失去了两个, 但两个实在太多了。 一个是杰森。 另外一个是名男子, 我和他谈了大约一个小时。 在那一小时里, 他三次与我握手。 最后一次握手时, 他看着我说, “凯文,我很抱歉,我得走了。” 他一跃而下。
太可怕了,真的太可怕了。 但我真的想告诉你们, 绝大多数 我们在桥上与之有过接触的人 都没有自杀。 另外, 那些跳下桥并且幸存的极少数, 那些能说起这件事的人, 那百分之一、二的人, 其中多数人都说, 他们放开护栏的一瞬间, 他们知道了自己犯下了一个错误, 他们想活。 我告诉人们,金门大桥连接的 不仅是马林县与旧金山, 也连接着人与人之间。 这种连接,或者我们所建的这座桥, 代表着我们每一个人应当 为之而努力的东西。 自杀是可以避免的。
有帮助,也有希望。
非常感谢大家。
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